


Oh, the torture they teach!

by Spring_Emerald



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, attempted humor, but it all seems funny to me, does this count as crack?, i don't even know what this is, loose interpretation of the prompt, training camp arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 21:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6346354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spring_Emerald/pseuds/Spring_Emerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>‘Fucking cat and owl’</em>, Daichi thought as he keeps feeling the incessant throb of his vein at the absurdity of the situation.</p><p>For KuroDai Week 2016 Day 5: Crossover/Alternate Universe</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, the torture they teach!

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. This is late. I don't even know how to begin to explain this fic.
> 
> The movie is Into the Woods, and the song is called Agony. Its hilarious.
> 
> Unbeta'd. Apologies for any mistakes. Enjoy! :D

‘ _Fucking cat and owl_ ’, Daichi thought as he keeps feeling the incessant throb of his vein at the absurdity of the situation. It doesn’t help that Suga is not even bothering to hide his snickering, and Asahi to let out a small chuckle. He quickly stopped and let out a squeak when Daichi glared at their direction.

On the other table, directly in front of where he is currently sitting, Akaashi is unsuccessful in ignoring the shenanigans happening around them. His other teammates are playfully nudging him, and they just laughed when Akaashi sent them a withering gaze. Akaashi looked at him then, probably compelled by the signals Daichi was telepathically sending. Their eyes met, and there was mutual understanding of pity for each other, as well as resignation to their fate.

They both sighed.

Daichi could hear Tanaka, Noya, and Taketora’s shamelessly laughing somewhere from the room. The managers, who were staying put on their table were gushing to each other, with the exception of Kiyoko, who looked at unperturbed as ever, and Yachi, who was being scared and nervous as usual.

The rest of the players are surrounding them, giving them a wide berth, and were currently watching with amusement at what was happening in the middle of the cafeteria.

Kuroo and Bokuto were currently dramatizing a scene from a movie they recently watched. Again and again, for the past three days they’ve been in training camp.

Daichi might have appreciated it. If it wasn’t for the fact that Kuroo and Bokuto, with the help of traitors they call their teammates, roped him and Akaashi to be part of this insanity. Daichi doesn’t really understand what they were there for. Kuroo and Bokuto were just talking loudly to each other.

Daichi thought this was bad enough, but then, music started.

He stands up, having had enough of this foolishness, and was already close to refuge, when Kuroo’s baritone voice floated in the air and forced him to stop.

_‘Did I abuse him or show him disdain?_

_Why does he run from me?’_

Daichi frowned, when Suga all but folded into himself from laughing so hard. So, as much as Daichi wanted to leave, he turned around to look at Kuroo.

The other captain was poised, gesturing to his general direction.

_‘If I should lose him,_

_How shall I regain_

_The heart he has won from me?_ ’

As he sang, he looked all around at the audience, and then clutched his chest.

_‘Agony!_

_Beyond power of speech,’_

He let the back of his other hand rest on his forehead, as he tilted his head backwards, and made a show of feeling despaired.

_‘When the one thing you want_

_Is the only thing out of your reach?’_

Daichi glared at the hand reaching out to him. He was about to give Kuroo a piece of his mind, when Bokuto’s voiced boomed.

_‘High in his tower,_

_He sits by the hour,_

_Maintaining his hair’_

He went to where Akaashi was sitting and sat on the bench opposite to his setter, playing with the tips of his hair, as he sang. Meanwhile, Akaashi sat up a little straighter, and looked at Bokuto, quite affronted.

_‘Blithe and becoming and frequently humming_

_A lighthearted air: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-‘_

He clasped his hands together and swayed along with the music. Then, he jumped towards the middle of the room, and challengingly looked at Kuroo.

_‘Agony! Far more painful than yours_

_When you know he would go with you_

_If there only were doors’_

Looking and judging Akaashi’s face, Daichi was so sure that he would rather rot in whatever tower he was in, than go with Bokuto. He would probably make sure that no doors would be installed, so he could keep his peace.

Daichi’s attention was immediately brought back to the troublesome duo when they both jumped towards the middle, and bumped into each other, but still maintained their roles, as they sang together.

‘Agony! Oh, the torture they teach!’

And they continued to sing shamelessly, to Daichi and Akaashi’s apparent mortification, but then after a few more agonizing minutes, and other choice lyrics, the music stopped, and so did the two, who were posing in mock dignity, on top of a table.

Most of the audience clapped their hands for the performance, while some of the louder and rambunctious ones hooted and whistled. They promptly stopped when Akaashi stood up. It was only then did they felt the menacing aura surrounding the crow captain and the owl’s setter.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said in a low whisper, remaining stiff, with his eyes closed. The Fukurodani members all gasped at the same time. It was rare that Akaashi truly get mad at anything stupid that Bokuto pulled, but they became quiet, and were a little scared.

“Bokuto-san, please step down from the table now.”

“But, Akaashi-“ Whatever Bokuto wants to whine about was cut shortly when Akaashi opened his eyes and there was something dangerous flashed in them. Bokuto, along with his other teammates flinched.

“Please don’t make me repeat myself, Bokuto-san.” Even in anger, Akaashi was polite, but there was a certain sharpness to it, that demands to be obeyed. Bokuto, who looked deflated went down from the table, not without getting a sympathetic pat from Kuroo.

Akaashi turned around and walked towards the exit calmly, the audience cleared the path for him, and without ado, Bokuto followed him silently.

The audience were mostly watching this unfurl that they have forgotten about the other person thoroughly embarrassed by this charade. Until they the heard low, guttural chuckle, and there was something akin to fear that rippled through all of them. Kuroo, who was left on the makeshift stage, stood up straight and froze.

Hinata clutched Kageyama’s arms, Yachi squeaked, Asahi was biting his nails and was shivering from fear, and Tanaka was whimpering from somewhere in the room.

Daichi kept on chuckling and every second that he was doing this, the more hair stood up in its wake.

He stopped, and his face transformed into a mask of something completely unreadable. The only sign that he was beyond irritated was the glaze in his eyes. Which was trained to the cat captain.

Noya joined Tanaka in his whimpering.

Daichi tilted his head downwards, the Kuroo hastily stepped down from the table, stiff as a board and visibly pale. Daichi turned around and stomped towards the exit, with Kuroo following, flinching with every step.

“Goodbye, Kuroo,” Yaku called out. “It was nice knowing you!” He waved.

“What will happen to Kuroo-san, Yaku-san?” Lev, ever the innocent asked his libero.

But it was Suga who replied for him. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about Kuroo, Lev-kun. If Daichi is feeling merciful, maybe he will just castrate him.”

The audience gulped. “But who knows?” Suga added thoughtfully. “He is quite awfully fond of-“

“SUGA!” Asahi cried, very terrified.

Suga only laughed, but it only added to the fear the audience were already feeling.


End file.
